feeling to express as they tell the story to their partner, even if they have to change the story to fit the feeling.
The trick is for the speakers to access the emotional states that trigger feelings without thinking about them, and act them out, actually release them, without worrying about what they look like. If people pause to think, I ask them to speed up so they don’t have time to think. With a little warming up, they actually experience a flood of emotion. By the end of the exercise, the room is full of laughter.
The point of the exercise is for people to begin to clear the channel to their emotions while bypassing the censoring brain. With repeated practice, we create a habit of awareness. As we go about our day, we naturally become more aware of emotions as they occur, giving us a chance to explore why they occurred and what we need to ask for in order to release any negative hold they have on our perceptions.
In one of my sessions, a production manager, Allen, spoke in a monotone while attempting to do the exercise. No matter how much I coaxed him, he refused to alter his expression. When he finished, he told me that he had learned how to stay calm in all situations with no particular training. He said he was not attending my class for himself, but to find a few ways to help those who worked for him to better deal with their emotions.
I commended him for his mastery, but asked if there was at least one person or situation that pushed his buttons. He said that nothing, not even an irate employee, bothered him. “I just handle it,” he said. He explained that getting upset wasn’t worth his time. He could better solve problems when he stayed neutral.
Again I commended him and agreed that a neutral tone improved conflict resolution. I asked him if he at least had a mentor or a good book that acted as his guide. I had never met anyone who had truly reached this level of consciousness without years of guidance and practice. I had to believe that although he probably let a lot of remarks roll off his back, some events and words had to hit him between the eyes.
He shook his head in denial.
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