Picking Up the Conflict Vibes
Before conflict emerges we often pick up “vibrations,” or “vibes,” that
signal dissension within ourselves or in what we sense coming from
another person. Picking up such vibes provides a prompt for us to
step back and contemplate what is occurring. They alert us to pay
attention to our observations and instincts to explore what seems to
be igniting us, or the other person, or both. Similarly, the vibes urge
us to check out what we are sensing to be able to gain clarity and
focus—qualities that have the potential for getting lost when we begin
to experience unsettling feelings.
Essentially, then, vibes reflect our sense that there is disharmony
when the signals and other signs described above appear. And
whether we pick up someone else’s or we are putting out vibrations
ourselves, it is evident that things are amiss and adversely affecting
our interactions.
Often, we pick up vibes and react, at least internally, when we
perceive that the other person is relating to us differently. Clues may
be that she or he appears distant, does not engage us in conversation,
makes off-hand or sarcastic remarks, or looks away or avoids us when
we try to connect. We pick up subtle and not so subtle signs, too, from
the other person’s body and facial language that convey her or his
negative feelings toward us.
Paying attention to conflict vibes when they arise not only provides
an opportunity to consider what is occurring. The experience
also gives us a chance to choose whether it is prudent to address the
dynamic at this time—and if so, how to proceed. Such a proactive
approach helps us to prevent unnecessary conflict from escalating (a
concept discussed in Chapter 1). It prepares us, too, for the possibility
of necessary conflict, including constructive ways to bring matters
that need to be aired to the surface for discussion.
The following self-reflective questions concentrate on what is occurring
within a situation in which you are picking up vibes. Also,
some questions focus on a situation in which you are putting out
