our personal or professional lives. Doing nothing about what is perturbing
us often results, too, in unnecessary conflict surfacing somewhere
along the way, propelled by a build-up of disconcerting emotions and
assumptions.
This chapter is about the occasions we internally acknowledge
that something is going on within us, and between us and another
person, that is adversely affecting us. We sense it may evolve and
become a challenge for our relationship, and affect something important
to us. The topics that follow here therefore invite readers to be
alert to those moments when unproductive thoughts, emotions, and
assumptions begin to enter our consciousness—before they become
externalized.
As conflict intelligence develops, it will be increasingly apparent
how these sorts of indicators are gifts. They present us with the chance
early on to gain an understanding of the dynamic that is leading to
inner discomfort and tension—to take stock of what is going on for us
and what we are experiencing in relation to the other person. They urge
us to gain perspective and consider the other person’s, too. They
provide us with the opportunity to be proactive. They signal this is a
time to decide how to facilitate a positive conflict experience. They
also help define the conflict-mastery skills required to preempt the
unnecessary escalation of conflict.
