Judgment, Polarity, Empathy and Diffusion of Boundaries
Is it OK to coach a cheater? When? How long? What are the boundaries? Is cheating contagious and systemic (which means that we can blame the system rather than the individual cheater)? Each of these questions becomes quite relevant when one is faced, as a coach, with the potential of serving someone whom we know (or at least believe) has engaged extensively in cheating. In beginning to answer these important questions it is essential that we begin by examining our own behavior—inside and outside our work as a professional coach.
What if I, as a coach (or in my non-coaching work and life), have never cheated–or at least don’t believe I have cheated? If this is the case, then the primary concern is likely to be one of becoming judgmental of my client’s actions. I ‘m caught in a moral dilemma. Do I work with this cheater as a coach—and if I am doing so, then am I in some way colluding with the cheater and do I risk the possibility that I am somehow unknowingly assisting the cheater’s behavior (much as is the case with someone who is co-dependent with an addict).
If I don’t assist this cheater, then I am simply sitting back and allowing someone to go unassisted in struggling with their own moral dilemma (or seeking to ignore or somehow justify their cheating behavior. We are caught in a polarity. As we have already noted, cheating and lying often reside in polarities that lead to a dysfunctional swinging back and forth between the two pathways (Johnson, 1996). The polarities experienced by our coaching client are strong candidates for professional coaching—especially executive coaching that focuses on problem-solving and decision-making processes (Bergquist and Mura, 2011; Weitz and Bergquist, 2023). We would also point out, however, that coaches themselves are often caught up in a challenging moral polarity when deciding whether or not to coach someone who is displaying extensive cheating behavior.
If I as a coach have cheated myself (which is more likely) then the primary concern is likely to be finding a way to be empathetic without losing the boundaries between myself and my client. Will my client’s recounting of their own cheating elicit memories of my own cheating? Am I likely to be processing my own personal feelings about being a cheater (especially the guilt) rather than attending to my client’s experiences and feelings? How do I remain in any way “objective” when the cheater’s behavior produces a highly subjective perspective on my part? Am I a hypocrite when encouraging my client to reduce or eliminate their cheating behavior if I continue to be a cheater myself and might not “own up” to my cheating with my client? When the boundaries get fuzzy, then we are inevitably of little use to our coaching client.
Ethics
We can also address our concerns regarding the coaching of a cheater by reflecting on our own criteria for making a decision about what to do. The work of William Perry (1998) provides some important insights and guidance in this regard. While studying college students attending Harvard University, Perry formulated a model that describes four stages in not only intellectual development but also the development of ethical standards. While Harvard undergraduates are certainly not a “normal” population from which to extract general conclusions, the descriptions offered by Perry seem to have hit the mark when it comes to providing insight about the way people from all walks of life tend to think and make ethical decisions.
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