When I think about the men I dated in my 20s, compared to the men I date in my 30’s; I’m glad that I didn’t get married back then! Women are dictating the pace of dating and with many prioritizing their careers over personal/social commitments – the white fairy tale wedding is becoming more of an illusion. Having said this; carving out a high profile career and owning the lifestyle versus finding the one and racing against the fertility clock looms largely in the background for many – I am not alone in this.
I am a 4th generation South African Indian; conditioned to act and think British. Due to spending the better part of my twenties and early thirties in the UK and a few other countries, I have learnt to relate to the multi-dimensional first world mindset. In trying to explain my views on the fruit of devoting myself to a life of service as opposed to raising kids, some people either give me the sympathetic or bordering on insanity look. I hear from some concerned folk about my rapidly closing reproductive window and that the older we become our market value drops through the floor. The veil of fear did fall initially when all of my girlfriends, whom I’ve spent the last decade with – lamenting over finding “the one”, have now been married off and I remain the last single girl! So what’s a girl to do?
For women who are well into their thirties, it’s no longer a money issue – you have the option to own your time and lifestyle. I’ve experienced a circle of hell in trying to explain my reasons for not opting for an early marriage and how the need to live independently has forever beckoned me. Not marrying early and not having kids – does this mean that I’m unhappy, that I’ve not reached a desired state and that I’m unhealthy and miserable? We seem to be ruled by certain levels of controversy. Women are conditioned to aspire towards marriage with ideals of a forever after happy ending, but men are not conditioned to think this way.
Should ego and pride permit us to remain in lukewarm relationships? I feel that a fear to go against social grains, often leave some individuals punctuated with uncertainty. The femosphere is encouraged to be ambitious, but we should not be overly ambitious, we can be outspoken but not too outspoken, we need to shrink on certain levels – otherwise we will intimidate the opposite sex. Females are often far too harshly judged; for not marrying at an early age, for getting divorced, for marrying men far too older or younger than us or even for not being able to bear children.