Picking Fights
Sometimes we get into a cranky mood for no apparent reason. We
may be bored, feeling unwell, or lacking energy, or we may be generally
unhappy with work, events occurring in our lives, or one or more
relationships. We may be out of sorts because we have onerous things
on our minds, or people are pressuring us about a myriad of matters.
Personal and professional obligations also cause us stress and weigh
us down. Or, we do not set boundaries. Or, we feel hurt by a lingering
or current situation in which someone’s actions or words upset us.
As we know, these and other types of happenings in our everyday
lives contribute to a state of mind and heart that negatively affects us
and those around us. Such dynamics often form at least some of the
variables that ultimately lead to conflict. Common responses when
conflict emerges are to flee, to fight, or to freeze. This topic is about a
tendency to fight, and for some of us, this may be a habit.
In situations that affect our sense of well-being, especially when
we feel bogged down by life’s travails, we may be more reactive, vulnerable,
and overly sensitive to others’ comments and actions. We
may judge and find fault easily. We may act in ways in which we are
untrue to ourselves. We may project or impose our views, and take
strong and even unreasonable stands on issues. We may take out our
emotions on someone who becomes the target of our state of mind
and heart, and pick fights.
Picking a fight is a deliberate act, and this point resonates with
the notion of platinum moment of choice, just discussed. That is, we
are able to choose not to fight. This is an important message to tell
ourselves when we are becoming defensive and beginning to react in
ways that are counterproductive—and which in other circumstances
result in picking a fight.
The following line of inquiry helps to examine in more detail what
is happening for you when you find yourself about to pick a fight,
and what options may exist. (More on this conflict area is discussed
in Chapter 3 under the topic Fighting When in Conflict.)
