Bottling Things Up
“Bottling things up” essentially refers to the inclination to keep things
inside—to contain our thoughts and feelings with a reluctance to
share them. When it comes to conflict, decisions about whether to raise
a potentially contentious issue with someone, and how and when to
do so, are especially complicated for those who have a tendency to keep
things inside. Similarly, if we tend to bottle things up, we may be
reluctant to respond when someone else brings up a matter with us.
We may be well aware that discussing issues that are in dispute
with a view to resolving them and healing the relationship is a good
idea. However, fears that things may get worse, past experiences that
have resulted in negative outcomes, time-worn habits, the inclination
to avoid or flee from conflict, and other reasons contribute to bottling
things up.
To take the imagery of bottling things up a little further, if this
phrase describes you and you want to explore this tendency, it helps
to begin by picturing the bottle. Depending on the situation and the
other person, you may view what is in it as inconsequential. This may
mean you see some stuff in the bottle, but not much to fuss about.
You may think the stuff smells a bit, but you can live with it.
As thoughts and emotions begin to grow—through repeated and
noxious interactions with the other person—picture the bottle becoming
fuller. The contents are murky, smelly, and not very appetizing,
and the impact is becoming more toxic. When this occurs it is likely
evident to the other person, and even to bystanders, that things are
building up for you. That is, you may look and feel as though you
are on the brink of overflowing—in a not very pleasant way.
This series of questions asks you to consider a situation in which
this expression, “bottling things up,” applies to you. Your answers will
hopefully facilitate the decision about whether to say something about
a situation that is bothering you. The questions and your answers may
also help you consider conflict-masterful responses to someone else’s
efforts to raise matters when you are inclined to bottle things up.
