Chip on the Shoulder
According to Wikipedia, the expression that someone has a “chip on
the shoulder” has a rich history dating back to 1756 and an incident
at the Royal Navy Dockyards. There was apparently a requirement
for shipwrights to carry timber chips under their arms, rather than
their shoulders, because they could transport more that way. The
story goes that one shipwright, John Miller, refused an order to carry
timber chips under his arms and the master shipwright tried to physically
force Miller to do so. Miller and others pushed the master and
first assistant out of the gateway while keeping the chips on their
shoulders. Accordingly, the phrase “chip on the shoulder” came to
mean an attitude that dares the other person to refute a challenge on
a matter.2
These days, if we say someone has a chip on her or his shoulder
we are using the expression in much the same way, and also to refer
to people who appear to be defensive, angry, bitter, and resentful,
who bear grudges and act like victims. Such impressions may be interpreted
from a person’s demeanor, attitude, tone of voice, facial
expressions, and body and verbal language.
Seeing and communicating with people who have a chip on their
shoulder, as we perceive them, can be an off-putting and challenging
experience. The interrelational dynamic that evolves as a consequence
may even lead to conflict.
If you find yourself reacting to another person who, in your view,
has a chip on her or his shoulder, the following questions may assist
your quest for conflict mastery to be able to be proactive and manage
this facade. (This topic and the next two—The Cold Shoulder and
That Put My Back Up—all discuss the body language of conflict.
Chapter 3 contains several more topics on this aspect of how we
manifest emotions, namely, Body and Facial Language of Conflict
and Getting Your Nose Out of Joint. Chapter 4 discusses this area
under the topic Observing Ourselves Through Someone Else’s Eyes.)
QUESTIONS
• Try to imagine a particular situation in which someone
appears to have a chip on her or his shoulder toward you.
How would you describe what that looks like?
• What impact does the perceived chip on this person’s
shoulder have on you?
• What do you suppose that chip is made of to have that sort
of impact (your response to the previous question)?
• What about the chip on this person’s shoulder contributes
to the possibility of a conflict evolving between you?
• What, if anything, may you have said (or may be saying) or
have done (or may be doing) that is contributing to her or his
chip on the shoulder?
• What do you not know about the person who is carrying a
chip on her or his shoulder that you would like to know?
• If you have observed a chip on someone else’s shoulder that
is not directed at you, what do you see—more objectively—
that conjures up different responses in you (if it does)?
What are those responses?
• For a minute, picture yourself as someone who is carrying a
chip on your shoulder. What is that experience like as you
imagine it? What do you imagine you need from others at
this time (if you are carrying a chip on your shoulder)?
• What do you think there is to learn from people who carry
chips on their shoulders?
• Going forward, how might you respond to the person in
the particular situation you discussed here—or generally to
people who carry chips on their shoulders—in a way that
reflects conflict mastery?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?
