That Put My Back Up
According to one source, the derivation of the term “that put my back
up” came into being in Britain in the 18th century and is derived
from cats’ habit of arching their backs when threatened or annoyed.6
The expression continues to be used to describe the impact of being
provoked by certain acts or deeds of another person. That is, not just
cats, but some of us humans also demonstrate angry responses to
perceived threats and things that annoy us, and so “put our backs
up.” As with the phrases “cold shoulder” and “chip on the shoulder,”
this one also reflects the fact that our bodies reveal our emotional
reactions. It similarly conjures up a vivid image that provides different
language to describe another somatic reaction to provocation.
Literally speaking, some of us react to something that challenges
or provokes us by raising our shoulders, rounding or straightening
our backs, and otherwise showing bodily reactions. There is usually
no mistaking the posture, when observed, as anything but a defensive
reaction. We may also use the expression “that put my back up” when
we experience anger or other emotions internally in reaction to something
another person says or does that offends us. So, we may not
always show the impact outwardly at these times.
Though our backs may go up at any time in the conflict sequence,
this reaction often appears early on when things begin to ignite. In
any case, it is a good time to take the opportunity and examine what
is happening. If this expression resonates for you—whether you are
aware of your back going up when in conflict, or you have observed it
in others—this series of questions will help to explore that experience.
QUESTIONS
• When your back goes up in conflict—literally or
figuratively—what are you experiencing at these times?
• How would you describe how you appear at these times?
• How might a friend or family member who observes your
back go up describe what they see?
• How do you think your reaction appears to the other person
with whom there is discord that is different from your
answers to the two previous questions? What may be the
same?
• What sort of things put your back up? When answering this
question, think of the last two or three times you could
have used, or did use, this expression.
• When your back goes up, where does your heart go?
• When you have observed other people put their backs up
when in conflict, how would you describe what you saw?
• What is the impact on you at these times (your answer to
the above question)?
• How is putting your back up a useful conflict management
technique? How is it not?
• If you want to stop putting your back up as a reaction to
the other person or potential conflict situation, what might
you do instead?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?
