More Explorations of Conflict Perceptions
Once we become irritated by another person, and especially if our
feelings escalate with repeated interactions, it is challenging to drop
the negative assumptions we conjure up about her or him and the
motives we attribute. What also happens in many cases is that we get
stuck in our positions and do not hear or clearly understand what is
being said and why. Our assumptions grow as we become further
entrenched and we lose perspective and a grasp on our feelings and
thoughts—and what is going on for the other person. We do that and
the other person does that, limiting the possibilities for clarifying,
understanding, and possibly reconciling our differences.
As with making assumptions and jumping to conclusions, the
quest for conflict mastery benefits from an exploration of any tendency
to attribute negative interpretations of others and their words
and deeds as soon as we are provoked. The objective of exploring this
subject further here is to encourage consideration of other ways that
help increase awareness about perceptions before acting on them—
and to consider how you may be perceived too, to be able to unravel
more effectively the ways in which perceptions impede the way
forward.
For this set of questions, it is suggested that you examine a specific
situation to which you are reacting and you are not sure whether
your perceptions are 100 percent correct. Although there is no obligation
to do so, if you select the scenario you explored for one or both
of the previous topics (Making Assumptions, Jumping to Conclusions),
this set of questions takes a slightly different approach and
may further add to your exploration of conflict perceptions.
QUESTIONS
• What are your perceptions about the other person’s contribution
to the situation that has the potential for evolving
between you?
• About what are you 100 percent certain regarding the other
person’s contribution? What part or parts of your perceptions
about her or him may not be absolutely accurate?
• What negative motives may account for her or his actions
or words? What positive ones may there be?
• What may the other person’s perceptions be of you and
your part in the conflict?
• What negative motives may she or he be attributing to you?
• With which part or parts of the other person’s possible
perceptions of you and your motives in the situation do
you agree? With which part or parts of her or his possible
perceptions of you and your motives do you disagree?
• What positive motives for your actions or words may she
or he be unaware of or missing?
• If you were to start anew regarding the dynamic between
you, what would you do differently? How would that
change the other person’s perceptions? What might she or
he have done differently that would have changed your
perceptions of her or him?
• What do you not know about the other person that, if you
did know, might be helpful to better manage things between
you? How might your answer(s) here be relevant to the
assumptions you are making?
• What do you want to have happen in this situation that is
not likely to happen because of your current perceptions of
each other? How might you influence a more positive
outcome?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?
